Thursday, May 7, 2009

Missing Rachel. . .

(Photo I took of my sunshine girl Rachel while taking her to Bodenseehof Bible College on Sep. 26, 2008. . . I am so missing her. . . )

I just spoke with my sweet adventurous daughter Rachel Marianne today who is an ocean away, in Croatia on the Hvar Island as part of a 7 week traveling trip after her six months in bible college.
I am missing her so incredibly much. I think about her return in less than four weeks all the time.
I have not seen my sweet only daughter since I left her at Bodenseehof Bible College in September.
When we spoke today it was like she was right there and yet so far away. It is hard to discuss life and love and the future and friendships and God and school for the fall in all of the few moments we have on the phone or via e-mail. But it is what I have right now, and I will take any way shape or form to communicate with my daughter as I can.
I think as June 3rd is getting closer and closer, I keep missing her more and more. It’s like I am allowing myself to miss her now as June 3rd gets closer. I think about her all the time. I pray for her all the time. I weep for her all the time. I talk about her all the time. I think, what would Rachel think of this movie or this book. Or, Rachel would love this sunset right now. Or Rachel would notice the flowers I planted outside. Or I say to her baby brother Augustin, “Rachel is going to be so amazed at how much you have grown” and “When Rachel sees you she is going to take you into her arms and twirl you around and hug you,” and Augustin just smiles. He misses her too. We all do.
I walk into Rachel’s sunshiny room on the creek side of our house, the room with the hot pink painted walls and the sunset painting on the wall and the rainbow and the photographs of Africa from magazines on her closet door and the framed photographs of her and her friends everywhere and all her books and her bulletin board with more photographs of mission trips to Mexico and Mississippi and the wall where she has painted sayings about God and life and loving people and the Mother Teresa quotes everywhere and I weep. I see the painted sayings, “We all need some mercy” and “Can you love?” and that is her mantra. Her life. She is the most amazing wonderful sweet compassionate person. My daughter. And am so grateful she is coming home for the summer.
Chris tells me things are changing this summer as our two oldest children will be 18 and 19, but I do not want to think of any of that right now. I just want to think about picking up my daughter at the airport in less than four weeks and hug her and talk to her and see her beautiful smiling bright sunny face which makes me smile and I want to think about the summer ahead with my daughter, and going on weekend adventures with her and having more than just a few moments and e-mails to communicate, but extended times, sipping coffee on our deck with the creek below us and talking about God and life adventure and living life to its fullest and taking bicycle rides to the park and going on drives to the country. That is what I want to think about. And to say, I am so incredibly thankful to God for giving me my daughter Rachel Marianna Seigneur.


wesley said...

what did you think you felt about momm's blog? Love u rachie!!



Bea said...

My friend Cornelia, Oh my you are a great writer. God has really blessed you with a gift my dear friend. I just had tears coming down my face as I read your writings. I am so glad you are allowing yourself to feel and breath Racel again. She is a beautiful young women isnt she. I am so priviligied to be able to watch her grow from a baby to the young women she is now.
I to will be so glad to see and hug her. But not as much as you a mother full of love for her only daughter. Love you and thanks for sharing. BEA

Melanie said...

Your daughter sounds like an amazing wonderful person! I can just feel your love for her and how much you miss her through your words... (((HUGS))) I look forward to hearing more about Rachel and how the Lord is working in her life!


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